Kid A's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Ok, maybe it wasn't as bad as all that. But still, a very rough day for the poor little kiddo.

I dropped her off at the sitters' yesterday morning, so I could go in for a couple of hours so as not to miss turning in all my paperwork to payroll (important in a new job). It was actually kind of fun -- the payroll ladies were quite a hoot. I was able to pick her up a little before 1 pm, and it turns out she had a great morning: spent some time in the swing, wasn't fussy except when she was hungry, all in all a good morning. Except she didn't really sleep; she only napped for 30 minutes or so. And of course, this was the afternoon of her 2-month pediatrician appointment, complete with her first round of vaccinations.

Ok, no problem, we can deal. Except we waited, and waited, and waited. And then we got into the exam room and waited some more. Finally, after 50 minutes, with Kid A throwing a complete fit for at least half of that time, I went out to the nurse who'd weighed and measured her and complained. The pediatrician came in shortly after that, very apologetic (there had been some gnarly complication with a spinal tumor [!!!]), and we ended up liking this one (the first ped we saw at Kaiser we didn't like at all). And then we had to wait some more for her shots. By then, no amount of nursing was going to distract her from her exhaustion, and she was alert, unhappy and overtired when she got stuck with three different needles. She screamed and screamed and screamed, and this was my first moment, as a parent, of unbearable helplessness. I was so proud of myself for not breaking down when I dropped her off at the sitters' in the morning, and although I did not cry while she screamed from pain, exhaustion and confusion, my heart broke completely. The worst was the first one, as I was trying to nurse her, and she was as comforted as she could be in her agitated state, and then the needle, and her eyes got huge, and then the scream. I felt horrible. I couldn't help but think of Laura, Jaime and Simon, and thinking, "What if this were something real?" No one should have to go through what they are going through. (Please read their blog and send them love, good thoughts and prayers.)

I love my little pumpkin so much. She slept in the car on the short ride home and, sure enough, woke up as soon as we got home ... and was in fine spirits for an hour or so. TM said, "Good thing babies have short memories." Agreed. I think that's partly why we survive as a species: pain fades, and with it, so does the memory of it.

Last thought: I realized, driving home from my brief appearance at work, that I like working. I don't think I would have been very good at, or very happy, being a SAHM for very long. I think it's wonderful, and in many ways, I wish I could do it. Ultimately, I like what I do, despite all the bad that goes along with it.