This post has all the potential for either being rambling or shockingly brief, but almost undoubtedly will be a mess. But the house is quiet, and I should digest the homemade bean-and-cheese burrito I just devoured before I fall into bed and pass out from utter exhaustion, so here's a new post. Enjoy!
In the past two weeks, I have racked up over 13 hours of overtime. That's almost two whole work days. I know that some people work that much, and more, on a regular basis, but this is new to me. Or at least it has been a very long time. Although I honestly can't remember a job I've had where I've worked this much. Of course, as I've pointed out in recent posts, the work is also quite demanding (obviously). I do enjoy it, but I am very much looking forward to a reprieve. It's hard to imagine, at the moment, exactly how I am going to get caught up. That's the most daunting part. I wish that there were some way for the documentation and paperwork to just get done without my having to enter all my contacts, etc., etc. I need a secretary! Too bad that will never happen.
Sharp departure, and abrupt change of subject! We're buying a house! Escrow will close in 10 days' time; the sellers will move out the day after we close, and I'm taking the week of October 12th off in order to coordinate and orchestrate the move. Woo hoo! It's all very exciting, but I wish I had more time not working lately in order to start lining up bids for some minor cosmetic work on the new place, getting estimates for movers, that sort of thing. TM says just a couple of hours on the weekend making calls and scheduling appointments should do it; we'll see.
Kid A has been amazing. I got her some teeny tiny hair elastics, to keep her bangs out of her face, and I've been putting in these adorable little samurai top-of-the-head ponytails ... OMG, too cute. I'll have to take some photos and post them. It's enough to make a person die of too-much-cuteness. She's still not really talking, but she is going through an intense imitative phase. We feed her graham crackers with cream cheese for breakfast, and if we give her a cheese-less cracker, she'll break it into pieces like she sees us do for her. Last week, TM said she opened the kitchen cabinet where we keep the garbage and recycling, and threw away a paper towel. We never even realized she was watching us throw things away until she did it herself that day. Wow, that sounds like such a trivial thing, and I cannot fully describe it appropriately, but having this kid just blows my mind sometimes. The things that kids learn, just by watching and living with other people -- it makes me realize how much of parenting is accidental, and at the same time, makes me want to be so much more intentional in what I teach her, which translates into wanting to be much more intentional and deliberate about who I am, and what I do.
This corresponds with some major lessons I have been taking away from a current family I've been working with, as well as something super interesting I was reading about during my lunch break today (read the book excerpt). In a nutshell, there are things I want Kid A to learn from me and her dad -- practical skills (laundry, cooking, managing money) that will help her succeed in adulthood, as well as concept stuff like the value of effort and determination -- that so freakin' many kids just don't get. Kids on both ends of the socioeconomic spectrum, as I was reminded in the above-linked article today. And the family I'm nearly finished working with is the absolute poorest end of that spectrum; this family is not the noble, downtrodden poor, with a quiet dignity of bearing that suggests finer things are in store for them someday. No, this family embraces a specific culture, one that is completely foreign, even anathema, to me. If there is an antonym for "industrious," I don't know it, but I wish I did, for that would be the word which best applies. I have such little compassion for the members of this family, and I know it, and I hate that I have insufficient compassion. I get angry that people like these are the beneficiaries of heroes of mine, those who have fought tirelessly and suffered greatly to promote civil rights and social justice, and people like my clients just spit on the memories of my heroes. I mean, 14-year-old kids who tell me that they want their education, but can't go to school because their hair's not done, or they haven't been taught how to wash their clothes out in the sink in order to have clean clothes to wear? Intellectually, theoretically, I know that this family is the product of lots of problematic forces in our society, and that mostly, it's not really their fault -- they're just casualties of a messed-up set of institutions and systems (mine included!) that oppress and disempower the poor, the uneducated, and those with little to no economic opportunities. And yet, at some point in time, every person has to make a decision that they're going to live and act like a grown-up, and stop blaming everything around them for their own problems. I want insight, I want ownership, I want some goddam responsibility every now and then.
If you've made it through my ranting and raving, congratulations. You now have a greater insight into the early stages of my transformation into a more conservative creature. We shall see, over time, how this plays out.
And now, after a very very long day, I am going to bed, as I am nearing the point where I can no longer see straight. Sweet dreams!
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Major developments
Yes, it's true, it's been a while. Life has been a bit fuller of late, so the updates, they have been not so regular. I hope what is to follow makes up for it, a little bit.
Work has been very full over the past month. I began working with a family in mid-July that consumed much of my time, culminating in a placement into foster care, complete with a petition and report to the court, at the end of August. For six weeks, I spent I don't know how many hours working with the mother to try to remedy the chronic problems she's been struggling with for decades: mental illness, substance abuse, and homelessness. After four weeks, it was clear that she was going to need a bit more, um, authoritative intervention, and we planned to go to court to see if the court would order Family Maintenance services. After I wrote the court documents, one week before the scheduled hearing, things got a bit out of control, and law enforcement ended up placing the kids into protective custody, and we removed them from mom and placed them in foster care, and moved up the hearing a few days.
Having spent so much of my working life with one family that consumed my time, it has been disorienting and strange to shift gears and begin moving at the different pace of more typical investigations. I still think about them often, but it does seem to be subsiding. I feel proud of the work that I did, and I feel good about the outcome. I hope that the mom is able to pull things together and reunify with her kids, because she loves them and they love her, and of course they all miss each other. But there were -- are -- serious problems that need to be addressed, and the outcome for the kids would have been worse, I think, if we had not taken the actions we took. Ultimately, my goal with every family I work with is to leave as few traces as possible that I was there; when that is not possible, I strive to leave the situation a little better than when I came on the scene. I think I did that over the six weeks with this family. I'm looking forward to a time when weeks will go by without thinking about them.
The other thing that has been disorienting and strange is that we made an offer on a house, and it was accepted! My goodness, I can hardly believe how fast it's all happened. It's not far from where we live now, and I feel pretty good (in theory) about the schools we'll be in if the whole thing goes through. Escrow is expected to close on October 9, and our contingency/inspection period ends next Sunday (September 13). It's an older home, built in 1954, and very small -- just 2 bedrooms and 1 bath -- but the lot is huge, with tons of room for gardens and for Kid A to play. It's on a quiet street that dead-ends; we're in about the middle of the street. We've had a number of preliminary inspections this week, and things are looking great, so our full home inspection will be next Saturday, at which point we should be full steam ahead!
It's crazy, because we only went house-hunting on two consecutive weekends, and this was the first house we saw on our second outing. Everybody's said that "when you know, you know," and several people have compared it to finding the perfect wedding dress (an apt analogy). TM and I spent a lot of time in it the first time we saw it, and have gone back twice (with my mom, and with his parents), and have liked it just as much each time we've seen it. I spent about three hours there yesterday with my realtor, for the inspection of the septic tank, and it felt just great to hang out there. I haven't been sleeping very well, because I'm thinking about it all the time, and it has definitely affected my ability to fully focus at work. But I think once the inspections are done and the lending has been secured, I'll be able to focus on other things again.
I'm 36 years old, and just entering the world of home-ownership for the first time. It's funny: for having spent my teens and twenties being so parentified and mature, I'm certainly a late bloomer in many respects: just starting my grown-up career, first-time mom of a toddler, and first-time homeowner. I wouldn't trade it for anything, though (well, maybe more traveling during my teens and twenties); I did get to do so much as a result of being somewhat fancy-free for all those years. And TM and I really got a long time to get to know each other and work out the kinks before throwing all these stressful and highly-charged components into the mix. Seriously, how do newlyweds go through all these things together, while they still hardly know themselves and each other? I feel so very grateful, and lucky, that these transitions have been so manageable, and I attribute that in large part to having this super solid foundation with the spouse.
Speaking of, our 11-year wedding anniversary is this month. Eleven years. That means we've been together now for 15 years. (That anniversary came and went with both of us forgetting about it! It was last month. We both just acknowledged it and kind of did a little "Wow!" thing, and now we're both back to doing what we were doing just seconds before.) We don't have anything planned, and if the house is going to go through, it's probable we won't do anything beyond toast one another over dinner on the night of the anniversary. But that's kind of my favorite way to celebrate, anyway.
Now for the Kid A developments. She's walking! It started for real the week before last, although for months she'd been walking well with assistance. She's getting to be a real pro at it. I bought her shoes last weekend, and "shoe" is one of the three or four words she can say, which is hysterically funny to me. Dear god, I hope I don't have a Carrie Bradshaw-type shoe nut on my hands. Her other words are "dog" (actually, "doh") and "duck" (see "dog"). Occasionally, she'll make some "mama" sounds, that these days do seem to be aimed in my direction, but usually only when she's super tired and about to go down for a nap. She's also lately saying something that sounds like "H" or "itch," and I have no idea what she's trying to say. She babbles beautifully, and often, and I would love to know what she's trying to tell us. I'm super surprised that it's taking her so long to talk, because we talk and sing and read to her all the time. I attribute it to the steady stream of Spanish she gets, as well.
I'm trying to speak Spanish with her at home, in addition to the full-time Spanish she gets at Carmen's during the week. I went to a bookstore last weekend, in our old neighborhood in Oakland, that carries a great selection of Spanish-language children's books, and bought six. I've been reading to her in Spanish at home, and it's helping my Spanish improve. I also regularly practice my Spanish with some of my co-workers, and of course with Carmen. I'm hoping to raise Kid A to be fluent in both languages. I think that might take some work as she gets older, but I hope that she and I can help each other improve our understanding of Spanish together. When you're born and raised in California, there's no excuse for not being bilingual, and I wish the public schools in our area had Spanish-immersion options for grade school. Anyway, I think it's taking her longer to speak because she's busy processing two languages.
Unfortunately, I don't have any recent pictures uploaded. Maybe I'll get a chance before my next post ... but frankly, I doubt it! Wish us happy escrow, and happy moving!!
Work has been very full over the past month. I began working with a family in mid-July that consumed much of my time, culminating in a placement into foster care, complete with a petition and report to the court, at the end of August. For six weeks, I spent I don't know how many hours working with the mother to try to remedy the chronic problems she's been struggling with for decades: mental illness, substance abuse, and homelessness. After four weeks, it was clear that she was going to need a bit more, um, authoritative intervention, and we planned to go to court to see if the court would order Family Maintenance services. After I wrote the court documents, one week before the scheduled hearing, things got a bit out of control, and law enforcement ended up placing the kids into protective custody, and we removed them from mom and placed them in foster care, and moved up the hearing a few days.
Having spent so much of my working life with one family that consumed my time, it has been disorienting and strange to shift gears and begin moving at the different pace of more typical investigations. I still think about them often, but it does seem to be subsiding. I feel proud of the work that I did, and I feel good about the outcome. I hope that the mom is able to pull things together and reunify with her kids, because she loves them and they love her, and of course they all miss each other. But there were -- are -- serious problems that need to be addressed, and the outcome for the kids would have been worse, I think, if we had not taken the actions we took. Ultimately, my goal with every family I work with is to leave as few traces as possible that I was there; when that is not possible, I strive to leave the situation a little better than when I came on the scene. I think I did that over the six weeks with this family. I'm looking forward to a time when weeks will go by without thinking about them.
The other thing that has been disorienting and strange is that we made an offer on a house, and it was accepted! My goodness, I can hardly believe how fast it's all happened. It's not far from where we live now, and I feel pretty good (in theory) about the schools we'll be in if the whole thing goes through. Escrow is expected to close on October 9, and our contingency/inspection period ends next Sunday (September 13). It's an older home, built in 1954, and very small -- just 2 bedrooms and 1 bath -- but the lot is huge, with tons of room for gardens and for Kid A to play. It's on a quiet street that dead-ends; we're in about the middle of the street. We've had a number of preliminary inspections this week, and things are looking great, so our full home inspection will be next Saturday, at which point we should be full steam ahead!
It's crazy, because we only went house-hunting on two consecutive weekends, and this was the first house we saw on our second outing. Everybody's said that "when you know, you know," and several people have compared it to finding the perfect wedding dress (an apt analogy). TM and I spent a lot of time in it the first time we saw it, and have gone back twice (with my mom, and with his parents), and have liked it just as much each time we've seen it. I spent about three hours there yesterday with my realtor, for the inspection of the septic tank, and it felt just great to hang out there. I haven't been sleeping very well, because I'm thinking about it all the time, and it has definitely affected my ability to fully focus at work. But I think once the inspections are done and the lending has been secured, I'll be able to focus on other things again.
I'm 36 years old, and just entering the world of home-ownership for the first time. It's funny: for having spent my teens and twenties being so parentified and mature, I'm certainly a late bloomer in many respects: just starting my grown-up career, first-time mom of a toddler, and first-time homeowner. I wouldn't trade it for anything, though (well, maybe more traveling during my teens and twenties); I did get to do so much as a result of being somewhat fancy-free for all those years. And TM and I really got a long time to get to know each other and work out the kinks before throwing all these stressful and highly-charged components into the mix. Seriously, how do newlyweds go through all these things together, while they still hardly know themselves and each other? I feel so very grateful, and lucky, that these transitions have been so manageable, and I attribute that in large part to having this super solid foundation with the spouse.
Speaking of, our 11-year wedding anniversary is this month. Eleven years. That means we've been together now for 15 years. (That anniversary came and went with both of us forgetting about it! It was last month. We both just acknowledged it and kind of did a little "Wow!" thing, and now we're both back to doing what we were doing just seconds before.) We don't have anything planned, and if the house is going to go through, it's probable we won't do anything beyond toast one another over dinner on the night of the anniversary. But that's kind of my favorite way to celebrate, anyway.
Now for the Kid A developments. She's walking! It started for real the week before last, although for months she'd been walking well with assistance. She's getting to be a real pro at it. I bought her shoes last weekend, and "shoe" is one of the three or four words she can say, which is hysterically funny to me. Dear god, I hope I don't have a Carrie Bradshaw-type shoe nut on my hands. Her other words are "dog" (actually, "doh") and "duck" (see "dog"). Occasionally, she'll make some "mama" sounds, that these days do seem to be aimed in my direction, but usually only when she's super tired and about to go down for a nap. She's also lately saying something that sounds like "H" or "itch," and I have no idea what she's trying to say. She babbles beautifully, and often, and I would love to know what she's trying to tell us. I'm super surprised that it's taking her so long to talk, because we talk and sing and read to her all the time. I attribute it to the steady stream of Spanish she gets, as well.
I'm trying to speak Spanish with her at home, in addition to the full-time Spanish she gets at Carmen's during the week. I went to a bookstore last weekend, in our old neighborhood in Oakland, that carries a great selection of Spanish-language children's books, and bought six. I've been reading to her in Spanish at home, and it's helping my Spanish improve. I also regularly practice my Spanish with some of my co-workers, and of course with Carmen. I'm hoping to raise Kid A to be fluent in both languages. I think that might take some work as she gets older, but I hope that she and I can help each other improve our understanding of Spanish together. When you're born and raised in California, there's no excuse for not being bilingual, and I wish the public schools in our area had Spanish-immersion options for grade school. Anyway, I think it's taking her longer to speak because she's busy processing two languages.
Unfortunately, I don't have any recent pictures uploaded. Maybe I'll get a chance before my next post ... but frankly, I doubt it! Wish us happy escrow, and happy moving!!
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