New stuff, good stuff, old stuff ... blue stuff?

I finished the first week at the new job. It's a mixed bag, really: I'm happy to have a job, I'm not happy about how little I'm going to be seeing my child. She's sleeping great at night, and she's now sleeping a total of 11-12 hours each night. Which means: I get home a little before 6:00, and she's down for the night between 6:30 and 7:00. She will usually wake up for another feeding between 8:00 and midnight, but it's a total of about 20 minutes or so that she's up, and then she sleeps through until somewhere between 5:30 and 6:45. And I drop her off at Carmen's at 7:00, and I'm off to work. Yeah. That's going to suck. I have a feeling I'm really going to be living for the weekends.

It was great, though: they observe Lincoln's birthday (which is also my dad's birthday), and they observe it on the actual date. Which meant that I had Thursday off. And they also observe Presidents' Day, this coming Monday, so I'm at the dawn of a three-day weekend. So my first two weeks are short weeks, which is pretty nice. (Sadly, though, there won't be another holiday until Memorial Day, so I'm looking at a pretty lengthy dry spell. Can't have everything, I suppose.) Nice to have a soft landing, as my friend Ryan would say.

Last weekend, we went down to my dad's house for a pre-birthday visit. Dad is doing surprisingly well, physically, but cognitively he's not going so great. He's having difficulty with mental functioning like math, reading and writing. He's supposed to be doing some brain-boosting video games and the like, but I'm not sure he's able to get his computer functioning in order to get going on that. He's also almost certainly going to have to move out of his house. He's 8 payments delinquent, and even if his lender approves a modification of his loan, I'm not sure the payments will be affordable. He got approved for Medi-Cal, but it's a share-of-cost benefit, and what they expect him to cover before Medi-Cal kicks in is about half of his monthly income. I'll be applying for some other stuff for him -- IHSS and an application for low-income housing -- but I'm just not sure what's best for him, or what's possible.

That said, it was a pretty nice visit. TM and I were both pretty tired, having hosted TM's family the night before for a little dinner party, so it was nice to have a mellow little visit and go to bed early. And Kid A did great -- slept straight through the night, something like 11 hours without a feeding. On the drive down, I was venting a little bit to TM -- sometimes it gets to me that my dad isn't normal, and I end up feeling sad and sorry for myself that we can't take advantage of all the fun things there are to do in that area -- and TM said, "Well, let's just start doing things that we want to do when we come visit. We have a family now; let's spend some time with your dad, and also spend some time doing stuff with Kid A." TM's parents are great about balancing together time and not-together time when they visit relatives or go on trips with their children and grandchildren, so he's had some good modeling in that respect. I, on the other hand, am blessed with two parents who can never quite get enough of their children, and so there's a lot of guilt (especially with my dad) about not doing/giving enough. And so, last Sunday morning, we got up when Kid A did, fed her, went out to the local coffee shop for our Salinas coffee ritual, came back to dad's and did a few more things around the house for him, and then broke the news that we were going to Monterey to take Kid A to the aquarium. He did his usual I'm-upset-because-you're-leaving grumbling, and I felt my usual guilt for not doing/giving/being enough, and then we left. And had a GREAT TIME.

Oh, the aquarium. I love that place. Kid A was her best Little Mesmo* and could not get enough of looking at the fish. The Monterey Bay Aquarium is an incredible, amazing place. The tanks themselves are stunning: lots of contrasting colors and interesting, unpredictable movement, perfect for a baby to get transfixed by. She stared and stared and stared all day, was happy in the Ergo carrier, and only fussed when she was hungry. We spent probably four hours there, longer than I would have expected, and she never cried, never fell asleep (even though I'm sure she was probably tired). When we left, we walked up Lighthouse Avenue to Gianni's Pizza (a place with a lot of memories for me, not to mention delicious pizza), and within a block or two, she was asleep.

* Little Mesmo is a name we have for her when she's utterly transfixed (i.e. "mesmerized") by something. It's that look of wonder and awe that all babies get when they are looking at something new, and wonderful, and awesome. "Little Mesmo" is also an idea we have for a series of books that we joke about from time to time, where the same story is told from two different perspectives, the baby's and the parent's. Yeah. Like that's ever going to happen. But we like to joke about it sometimes.

I'm turning 36 in a couple of weeks. No, actually, in 8 days. I told TM that what I want for my birthday is for him to do all the parenting one night a week so that I can go to a yoga class. We agreed on Tuesday nights, and even though it's not my birthday yet, we agreed that I would start going when I started working. So, last Tuesday night, I went to my first yoga class since before Kid A was born. It was great, and really hard. The studio is easy walking distance from our place (ah, pedestrian living, how I will miss you when you're gone), so from the time I leave the house until the time I get home, it's only 2 hours of being gone, but boy, it's some quality self-care time. I'm very happy about it. (And, of course, I'm waaay out of shape and way heavier than I'm happy with, so it also kind of sucks. But you gotta start somewhere, no?)

Ok, she's waking up from a nice, hour-long nap, so I'm off. Happy Valentine's Day to one and all!

The Ill-Advised 25 Things

My goodness, it's been a long time! I thought, at the beginning of my unemployment, that I'd be posting all the time. Obviously, that was not to be. I don't even know where the time goes. Okay, I can think of a few things. Kid A's a lot more fun these days, and when she's with me (she has spent some time with her care provider to keep some continuity, and to provide me an opportunity to handle some miscellaneous things), I have hardly a minute of down time. Facebook has proven endlessly fascinating of late: people have been exploding out of the woodwork of the past, and whenever I'm online, it's hard to tear myself away. And TM has gotten us completely sucked into Battlestar Galactica. Yeah, shut up. It's a good show.

In the interest of brevity, and in an effort to cover as much of the last few weeks as possible, I am inspired by the silly "25 Things About Me" that seems to have taken Facebook by storm.

1. We just transitioned Kid A to her own crib. This is night 3. I was surprised, on the first night, at how sad I was to have her out of our bed. If someone had told me before she was born that she was going to spend almost 7 months sleeping in our bed with us, I would have said that person was out of his mind. Just goes to show, I guess, that nothing, especially parenthood, ends up fitting in with one's preconceptions.
2. The transition to the crib has gone really really well. She's handled it great, and it really is nice to reclaim our bedroom.
3. I went to IKEA today and bought a new dresser for our bedroom. Yay!
4. I have been engaging my domestic goddess fantasies somewhat. Last week was all about cooking. (The last couple of weeks, actually.) Here is a partial list of some of the dishes I have made:
- chocolate chip banana bread
- havarti-and-oregano-stuffed chicken breasts with mustard sauce
- spinach and bacon quiche
- butternut squash pecan spice bread
- baby food (butternut squash and peaches)
- chicken thighs with tomatoes, capers, anchovies and olives
5. Kid A's diet is increasing in variety. She now eats peaches, pears, squash, sweet potatoes, carrots, avocado, Cheerios, oatmeal, bananas, and rice cereal. We haven't tried peas again since the first time (they made her cry!).
6. Kid A can now sit up independently and reliably. This means that she can play independently for longer periods of time, which is both fun to watch and also a benefit to getting adult things done (albeit brief adult things).
7. She has cut her first tooth. It's still pretty close to the gumline, so I haven't actually seen it, but I've been able to feel it for about a week now.
8. I officially have a job! I start on Monday, February 9. I just received my final offer letter via fax today.
9. I just realized that this isn't so much "25 Things About Me" as it is "A couple of things about me and 20-some-odd things about my daughter." *sigh*
10. I am surprised at how hard it has been to get the baby weight off. It kinda sucks, actually.
11. The various projects I had for myself -- the photos, the sewn scarf, the crocheting, the quilt-making -- none of them has materialized. I started the scarf, and I've cut out some pieces for the quilt, and I've made half of one crocheted baby bootie. Nothing completed.
12. My dad has got me worried. He's so depressed (or out of it, or something) that he never calls anymore. I'm trying to work on some of his financial affairs, since he's in pretty bad shape, and I call him every 3-4 days, but he never calls anymore. This is highly unusual for him. This has been going on for several weeks. I have no idea what's going to happen.
13. I turn 36 in 3 weeks.
14. Kid A turns 7 months on Friday.
15. I bought a new baby carrier (2nd hand, off the internet) for Kid A recently -- an Ergo -- and I love it. This morning Kid A and I went on a brisk (okay, cold) morning walk.
16. Having so many people from my past pop up on Facebook is tripping me out. It has me reminiscing, for sure, but also thinking, "Am I still who I was then? What changes? What stays the same?"
17. I have decided that someday, when Kid A is much, much older, I will probably return to grad school. Can't get enough, apparently!
18. I was 18 when I got my first tattoo. I have many tattoos now that I like, but that is the one that I dislike. Someday, I will get it covered up with a piece of ink that I feel good about.
19. Now that Kid A is grabbing at my face all the time, I badly want eye surgery to correct my vision! I haven't been able to wear contacts for years.
20. I am tired and should probably be in bed.
21. I can't stand forwarded emails that are all, "pass this on in the next 5 minutes and you shall have your hearts desire!"
22. I should probably make a list of all the things I have to do tomorrow.
23. One of my favorite little unemployment projects has been adding to my recipe collection. I started a journal-type book, into which I'm cutting and pasting (like literally, not the cyber kind of cut and paste) recipes that I've gotten off the internet, or from magazines, etc. I have quite a few new recipes to try, as well.
24. I was 21 years old when I got engaged; 25 when I got married.
25. Before I became a mom, I had dreams every night, and could almost always remember them in the morning. This used to be a regular topic of conversation for TM and me. Now I'm lucky if I remember one dream a week.

Wow, I did it. Not sure I would do that again as a blog post, but there you have it. I hope it wasn't too boring!